My heart is heavy tonight and I'm battling to keep my thoughts in check.
One theme of my life seems to be "live and learn". I guess that's not a terribly bad thing, but being that I am a recovering perfectionist, I don't like it! My neighbor and friend is moving back to Massachussetts this week. Her main reason for moving is that she has no family here. She has been lonely ever since she moved here last year. I can't help but feel like I could have reached out to her more. Jon says it's not like she would have not wanted to go if we'd gotten to be best friends, and I realize that, but there is still a feeling of regret in me. I was so wrapped up in myself during my pregnancy last year cause I was so down and also overwhelmed with being a prego mom with two young kids. It was stinkin hard but would it have killed me to invite her over for coffee? This is not the first time I've dealt with this same kind of thing. Anywho, I'm gonna be ok. I am just gonna purpose in my heart to not let this happen again. And I want to encourage you to think about anyone you know who may need some extra attention right now. Even if you've made small attempts. Put yourself out there and reach out to others when you have the opportunity.
And then there's the subject of training my children in the way they should go. Talk about stinkin hard! And seeing junk in them that I am responsible for helping them work on! Me? Another opportunity to exercise FAITH cause I just don't FEEL qualified for this job. If anyone knows of a book or something that has some good , practical ideas for character training for 4-5 year olds, I would love to hear from you about it!
On a brighter note, I really do love my life. I was pondering this the other day as I was cleaning my kitchen floor. As a child and teen, I never had plans for my life, and from the age of about 12, I really didn't care to make it into my adult life. But I thank God that I am alive and I am thankful to have a feeling of thankfullness that I'm alive. Not in a clinging-to-the-world kind of way, but in a wow-I-can't-believe-all-that-I-would-have-missed-if-things-had-gone-MY-way kind of way. Don't know if any of this will make sense to anyone. I have a hard time articulating my thoughts but wanted to get them out anyway.