Tuesday, June 3, 2008

What's In My Head At The Moment

My heart is heavy tonight and I'm battling to keep my thoughts in check.
One theme of my life seems to be "live and learn". I guess that's not a terribly bad thing, but being that I am a recovering perfectionist, I don't like it! My neighbor and friend is moving back to Massachussetts this week. Her main reason for moving is that she has no family here. She has been lonely ever since she moved here last year. I can't help but feel like I could have reached out to her more. Jon says it's not like she would have not wanted to go if we'd gotten to be best friends, and I realize that, but there is still a feeling of regret in me. I was so wrapped up in myself during my pregnancy last year cause I was so down and also overwhelmed with being a prego mom with two young kids. It was stinkin hard but would it have killed me to invite her over for coffee? This is not the first time I've dealt with this same kind of thing. Anywho, I'm gonna be ok. I am just gonna purpose in my heart to not let this happen again. And I want to encourage you to think about anyone you know who may need some extra attention right now. Even if you've made small attempts. Put yourself out there and reach out to others when you have the opportunity.
And then there's the subject of training my children in the way they should go. Talk about stinkin hard! And seeing junk in them that I am responsible for helping them work on! Me? Another opportunity to exercise FAITH cause I just don't FEEL qualified for this job. If anyone knows of a book or something that has some good , practical ideas for character training for 4-5 year olds, I would love to hear from you about it!
On a brighter note, I really do love my life. I was pondering this the other day as I was cleaning my kitchen floor. As a child and teen, I never had plans for my life, and from the age of about 12, I really didn't care to make it into my adult life. But I thank God that I am alive and I am thankful to have a feeling of thankfullness that I'm alive. Not in a clinging-to-the-world kind of way, but in a wow-I-can't-believe-all-that-I-would-have-missed-if-things-had-gone-MY-way kind of way. Don't know if any of this will make sense to anyone. I have a hard time articulating my thoughts but wanted to get them out anyway.


Tiffany said...

I have had similar regrets and I know how you feel. You have had a tough year and you can't beat yourself up. Sometimes it takes all we have just to minister to our own family. There's not much left.
About child training--I agree, I never knew how hard it would be and how constant. No rest! I wish I could recommend something wonderful, I've read plenty but it's usually God who gives me wisdom and ideas to work through a situation. I will say that I know someone who loves the book, "Raising Godly Tomatoes."

Melissa said...

We moms have the toughest job on the planet - and, of course, the most rewarding. "Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and His understanding no one can fathom. HE GIVES STRENGTH TO THE WEARY AND INCREASES THE POWER OF THE WEAK. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, and will walk and not be faint." Is 40:28-31. There is a song on Z88 that has this verse spoken by a little boy. I can't get it out of my head today. It's for you and me and all the moms today and forever. "Our strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord, as we wait upon the Lord."

Julie said...

I've been in that same situation (thinking maybe if I did more people wouldn't've moved away), but like you said all we can do is purpose to reach out and do more the next time. Also being a Mom is the hardest job! I've said before if someone thinks motherhood is not the hardest job they'll ever have, then they're not doing it right!

atotallydifferentperson said...

Thank you guys so much for the encouraging words! Ya'll are awesome!!!

bfarmmom said...

I didn't know you had a blog!! I am so glad I found it. Blessings to you and a big (((hug)))